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The good

1. There are 2 modes of classical music and one of nature sounds. When Baby Mozart is getting old you can press another button and listen to the birds and the waterfalls. The volume is adjustable too so you can turn it down and listen to some jazz in another room.

2. It is not mechanical so no need to turn it on often. It runs on batteries and once you’ve pushed the button the music is playing for 20 minutes - so if your baby is happy in the cot you have 20 free minutes before it stops and you need to start it again.

3. The batteries last for a long time, we have only replaced them 3 times in 8 months.

4. You have a choice of modes - without the light with only toys rotated, with the light on and with the music on, which is plenty to entertain a newborn.

5. The toys have various colors and patterns Black shapes on light background are most suitable for newborns, then as your baby grows and his vision develops, he starts to see the colors on the toys. There are lots of bright yellow that babies like so much.

6. Apart from the toys there are many other details on this mobile for your kid to look at - plastic shapes and fun-looking see-through plastic cones. When the mobile is moving they are rattling and moving with it, drawing your baby’s attention.

7. The toys on the strings have friendly faces and are looking down at the baby. My son clearly liked it, he thought that the lion and the bunny are smiling at him and smiled back.

8. This mobile grows with your baby. At 4-5 months of age, when your baby can reach the toys on strings it is no longer safe to leave them there, so you remove the whole rod with the toys and leave just the music box attached to the crib. Then another kind of fun begins - your baby will try to crawl to the music box, hold on to it and push the buttons. And they are easy enough for the little fingers to manage, so once succeeded, you baby will come for more.

The bad

1. It was a little tricky to assemble and if you don’t follow the directions exactly, the rod is unstable and can tip over. If you do everything right, it is rock solid.

2. When you remove the rod, the hole it used to be in remains open and if a little finger is pushed inside it is potentially unsafe. I covered it with sticky tape and we didn’t have any accidents of that sort.

These were really the only downsides of this mobile, which was otherwise wonderful.

What mobile did you get for your baby and why? Are you happy with it or can’t wait to throw the damn thing away?

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The truth is that 80% of the toys out there are junk and only 20% are awesome and your kid is going to love them. And it’s really hard to guess which toy belongs in the lucky 20%.

This is why I am starting this new series “Toys that last”. It will be all about those toys that last longer than a couple of weeks, toys that my kid enjoyed for a long time and toys that won’t be tossed in the hand-me-down pile - I am keeping them for my next (oh my God, I can’t believe I just typed that).

I will be describing the toys for all the ages we have passed, from newborn to almost a 2 year old. The truth is that right now we have a couple of toys for much older kids - but I can tell those are “keepers” and they will sure survive some months until my kid will need something more exciting.

So this was only a taste - the first post is coming out tomorrow. See you there!

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I was reluctant to discussing my future plans because quite honestly I didn’t have them - how can you plan in the land of Unknown, having a baby for the very first time?

I didn’t have the patience for the “girlfriends’ talk” where everybody is sharing their birth experiences and comparing who had the worst possible birth ever.

I didn’t want any advice - can do my own research and find out only the things I’m interested in, thank you very much. No need to listen to whatever nonsense all the “been there, done that” people feel like dumping on me. That was your life, this is mine, having babies is different for everybody.

I know that right now I probably sound like a total sociopath, the opposite of what an expectant mother should be. Or am I not? I strongly suspect there are more women who feel like me. Isn’t it natural to want to keep such personal experience as expecting your first child under your control and on your terms?

It is very important to make the right choices regarding your pregnancy and your birth. But it is even more important to stay calm and positive during those 40 long weeks - and that is a bit hard to achieve under a shower of horror stories which people bombard you with, mercilessly. Making an informed decision and being bullied into a choice by an “experienced” girlfriend are worlds apart. “Take the epidural, what are you, a hero?”

With all due respect to books like “What to expect when you’re expecting”, there are some pages that I say - a pregnant lady shouldn’t lay her finger on. Any such book has at least one chapter on things that can go wrong at birth and all the possible complications. I read those chapters, boy, what a mistake! It was like with a horror movie - once you begin, you can’t stop and then you sleep with the light on, cover the mirrors to keep the ghosts away and have nightmares for a week.

Girls, don’t get me wrong, I know it is important to be prepared. But then there are things nothing can prepare you for and reading and thinking about them, worrying about “what if my birth goes the wrong way” won’t help anyone. Any tests you feel like doing before the baby arrives should be done, any considerations and choices about what kind of birth you would like to have, by all means do consider and make your decision. But don’t put yourself through worries about the things beyond your control - concentrate on your and the little one’s well-being which starts with you being happy.

Do you believe in “selective reading” for pregnant women? What are your opinion and experience?

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When I’d come to pick him up, he would drop everything and run to me crying. He wouldn’t calm down until I picked him up, said bye to everyone and left that room. Even then it was hard to convince him to go in the stroller, he just didn’t want to let go of my neck. Once we were home, he was getting nervous every time I disappeared from his sight. I couldn’t even use the toilet without Eric’s crying at the door, that’s how bad it was.

During the time he spent in the day care, they were telling me that every time they tried to take away his teddy or his hat, he started to scream. As much as my kid loves eating, he didn’t touch any food, not even fruit or his favorite biscuits.

He was getting sick a lot more than he used to before the child care and it would take longer for him to recover. During these weeks we were at the doctors almost every week, there were many sleepless nights when Eric had fever and many useless days when he was too weak to enjoy anything at all.

The doctor did explain that we can’t avoid this period of catching viruses, Eric can go through it either now or, if we decide to drop the child care, later at school. Assuming that is true, from that point of view I think he is better of having it now, when he doesn’t miss much being sick at home, rather than later, missing classes and catching up on homework.

So what did I gain here? I have 6-8 hours a week of kids-free time to myself. Much needed and truly appreciated. Then I have a nervous wreck of a kid for the rest of the day, I’m troubled by thoughts about what kind of trauma am I causing him here. On top of everything else he gets sick a lot which affects his growth and development. And, forgive me for being selfish, when he’s not well I can’t function either, the lack of sleep and Eric’s mood swings are taking the toll.

Is this worth it? Right now I’m not too sure.

Does your kid hate the child care center as much as mine? How do you cope with it?

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This got me thinking - am I really doing something silly here? Obviously there are many reasons to feed the baby what Rob and I eat.

But being an opinionative nonconformist that I am, I will still disagree and give you a list of reasons to cook for small children separately:

1. I am busy and so is my husband. Sometimes we don’t have time to cook for ourselves, which means that we’ll eat instant noodles that evening. Eric’s food is always ready in the freezer, waiting for me to warm and serve. Are instant noodles better for little kids than veggies, meatballs, fish sticks and the like? I don’t think so.

2. It’s a well-known fact that kids’ eating habits are different from adults’. Kids eat smaller meals but more frequently. There are days when Rob’s cooking, but the dinner is not yet ready when Eric is already hungry. Why risk a hungry meltdown if it can be avoided by always having the kid’s food ready?

3. Another well known fact is that kids under 3 shouldn’t be given dairy products with reduced amount of fat, such as “light” yogurt, cheese or milk. On the other hand, as adults we’re watching our cholesterol levels. Doesn’t this mean that separating adults’ and kids’ menu is legitimate?

4. We like eating spicy food and some dishes are too hot for a little kid to handle. Why risk giving him stomach ulcer?

5. We use salt and sugar, sometimes a lot of it, in our cooking, when our kid doesn’t know what salt or sugar is. Why not keep it this way a little bit longer when many sources say it’s the healthiest way?

6. When I cook for Eric, I do everything to preserve as much vitamins as possible and to keep the unhealthy ingredients out - I steam, not boil, I fry with just a tiny little bit of oil, etc. I’ve created a healthy menu for my kid and follow it religiously because he likes this kind of food and it’s good for him. While I can put this effort into cooking for the child, I don’t have the time to do the same for us - not yet, at least. What’s wrong with putting the kid first?

7. Sometimes Rob and I go on a diet and then it means - no bread, no pasta, no crackers, no rice, we start eating a lot of vegetarian dishes instead. But little kids need all that in their menu, why deny Eric the source of energy he needs for daily growth? Why should he eat what we eat and miss out on all the good stuff because we’re dieting?

As you can see I’ve got my reasons for cooking Eric’s food separately.

How does this work in your family? Is your child eating what you’re eating?

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I marched in the biggest baby store in my town to quickly pick up a potty, swipe my card and be on my way… only to find that there are no “simple ones”. They are extinct, imaginary, they don’t exist any more.

All the potty chairs on display consisted of minimum 3 or 4 parts and took more than 5 minutes to figure out “what goes where”. At this point I should probably mention that I can disassemble and assemble back a computer (and yes, it will be working), so putting a potty together shouldn’t be much of a problem. Well, go figure…

But there was a lesson – I understood what I want and don’t want in a potty:

1. It shouldn’t have more than 2 parts because I will be washing all of them every day
2. It shouldn’t have parts that can pinch child’s skin
3. It should be stable enough not to turn over when a child sits down on it or stands up from it
4. It should have rubber bottom to avoid sliding on floor tiles
5. It should be high enough to make sitting on it comfortable.

I decided against the ones that play songs, make flushing sounds and otherwise distract the kid from the real purpose of his “visit”.

I also decided against the ones where the seat can be placed later on a grown up toilet because it surely won’t fit all toilet seats and in general because I no longer believe in “combo” products. If they are good for everything, they are good for nothing. For a promise of saving $20 later you are paying $15 more today and get one more part that needs washing – no thanks.

It’s hard to believe that choosing a potty can be so complicated. Anyway, having looked at about 15 different potty chairs, I’ve found The One. And the winner is ….
That’s right, Baby Bjorn Potty Chair.

Why: It has only 2 parts, easy to pull apart and put together, easy to wash (no “traps”), is high enough just like a little chair but is stable at the same time, has rubber bottom and doesn’t slide even on slippery floor and in general looks good. Oh, and last but not least the price – it costs the same as all the other “put-me-together-if-you-can” potties.

Just as I picked it up and was on my way to the register, a woman turned to me and said: “You won’t be sorry, it’s a good potty, my daughter loves it. It is also dishwasher-safe, I know it may sound disgusting, but every week I run it through dishwasher to clean and disinfect it properly”. And you know what? I think that’s a great tip (if you’re voting for “disgusting”, just pretend you didn’t read this :) )

And now over to the experienced potty-trainers: any advice on what I should be doing next?

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I have a new friend, she is 5 months pregnant and the things she says, thinks and does take me 2 years back, when I was at the same point of my life.

Before
I had no intention of changing my habits or my weekly routine. For example, we were used to doing the laundry once a week, it fit well into our life, it was cheaper (in a sense that one full load is more economical than two half loads). I just couldn’t understand why should I change the rules and start doing the washing every second day. Can’t I just buy enough clothes for the baby to wear the whole week and then wash them all at once?

After
Practice showed that it doesn’t work that way. It still made more sense to wash baby clothes every 2 days rather than buy a bunch of wonder-suits he’ll grow out of so quickly.

Before
I was dead serious about going back to work 3 months after the birth. I figured that after those 3 months at home with the baby I will be glad to make it someone else’s problem and escape back to work, to the grown up world, where your work is
a) paid
b) appreciated
and where you don’t get yelled at for no reason.

After
Time proved me wrong. Here we are, 19 months after my baby was born, and I still take care of him most of the time. I do work – from home, to keep him close for as long as I can.

Before
I was saying “This baby is coming to live with us, not the other way around, so it better behave and fit into the way we do stuff”.

After
Guess what. He’s changed everything - the way we live, think, behave, sleep, eat, everything. We have built our life around his routine. When he’s asleep friends can’t come over, our trips are timed so that he’ll get his afternoon nap, etc. A sworn take-away eater and a notorious disaster in the kitchen, I started to cook and it turned out that my son actually likes my cooking. I had to give up the high hills- try running after a toddler in those things; it’s an accident waiting to happen.

Before
I didn’t think I was meant to be a parent.

After
I think that most of us were born to be parents. It’s just that many of us don’t know it yet.

Can you see yourself in this post? What did you think before your babies were born? And how did they change you?

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Of course he got hysterical and an hour later I got a call from the center manager. From my conversations with the staff I’ve noticed that it’s like they’ve developed a special language in order to break things to parents in a gentle way. For example, they would say: “He is a little bit teary” instead of “He’s crying his eyes out”, or “He’s feeling insecure” instead of “He’s been sitting in my lap all day long”, or “He wasn’t interested in food” instead of “He didn’t eat anything today”. So once I’ve heard that he’s been crying and they can’t calm him down, I rushed to pick him up.

I am a pretty laid back mom. I don’t stress too much over stuff. I can’t remember the last time I panicked about anything my boy did. But when I saw Eric slowly walking through the room, dragging his feet, hugging his teddy as if his life depended on not letting him go and weeping, my heart broke. I’ve never seen my boy so unhappy, so depressed. How can it be right that a mother should put her child through something like that? How can it be right that a child should suffer this kind of stress? Something is seriously wrong here.

Am I the only one who thinks so? How was the first day at child care for you and your kids? Does it get better, and how soon?

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The kids of 12 - 24 months are put in one group and are assigned one care taker (there are 3 now and Eric will be the 4th), who spends most of the day with them (apart from the breaks, when another staff member takes over). The small kids’ room is kept locked so that they don’t escape into a bigger kids’ play area. They are playing, eating and sleeping in that room, divided in two areas. The play area is carpeted and the meals area has linoleum for easy cleaning. There is a little table and small chairs in the meals area, which I find impressive - Eric still eats in his high chair at home to avoid the mess, and they clearly don’t mind it in the child care, allowing all the kids to sit by one table like grown ups do.

During my visits there I’ve seen them sit babies 10-11 month old in a high chair and encourage them to self-feed, which I think is great. The food was all over the floor but that didn’t stop the staff from trying. The dishes are different every day, kids get a lot of fruit and veggies, the food is freshly cooked in the center and the menu is changed every 4 weeks. On top of everything else they participate in a government program to do with healthy eating.

Their routine is very close to the one we have at home, the sleeping/ eating times are almost the same, which is terrific. Eric will get to sleep at the time he’s used to. The kids are allowed to bring blankets from home, so he will even have the familiar smell in his bed.

The manager of the center told me about a personal development program that is created for every child. The parent sits down with the caregiver and they decide, based on their knowledge of child’s skills and observations, what skills should be given more attention, they set a goal and the caregiver works with a child for 2 weeks to reach that goal. Then the process repeats.

Every kid has a notebook that is sent home in their bag every day. In that notebook the staff record what the child has eaten, drank, the changed diapers, how long did the kid sleep / rest, the games they played and anything else they feel a parent needs to know. They also invite the parents to put in the notebook anything they want to let the staff know - and they actually do read that!

They have suggested two orientation sessions (for which I am not charged) for Eric to get used to idea of being in a child care, including how to spread them across the week, what to bring (a soft toy or a comforter of any sort and a change of clothes), they invite parents to pop in any time and have a look at their little one (hiding, of course, so that the kid doesn’t see them). During the first days in the care they call parents if children are crying unstoppably and suggest picking them up if nothing else works.

I met Eric’s future caregiver and she showed me the toys my boy will be playing with, the separated outdoor area designed for kids of 12 - 24 months (safety and interest-wise), she told me how she handles kids that don’t want to eat when everyone else is eating and sleep when everyone else is sleeping - she said that she won’t let him go hungry or tired even if he’s missed the meal or the quiet time. She asked me to put in the notebook his signs of hunger and tiredness and anything else he indicates with his behavior. She asked what our routine at home was - so that she’ll try to mimic it. She was wonderful.

I guess I was incredibly lucky, because a friend of mine went to 5 centers before she found one that was kind of OK, and I only went to 2 and the second one had everything I could ask for and more. But we’ll see how it goes as Eric takes his first step towards independence - more later!

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Before we started looking, I sat down and defined the most important things to me:

1. Eric must get enough attention, he’s a very sociable kid and because kids of his age still can’t play together, there should be an adult, entertaining and stimulating him, not just looking after and making sure he’s safe.

2. The kids must have beds to sleep in (as opposed to mattresses thrown on the floor).

3. The outdoor area must be safe and appropriate for Eric’s age.

4. The food needs to be fresh and nutritious, there should be variety, not just sandwiches and sweetened juice.

5. There mustn’t be any physical punishment of any sort.

6. The routine should be flexible, meaning the kids must be given food and water and allowed to sleep when they need it - because 18 months olds’ routine can often vary and some days they might not be hungry when everybody else is eating, or not tired when everybody else are put to bed. That would require the staff to be attentive and learn signs of each child.

7. I read in a book that kids-to-caregiver ratio for Eric’s age group should be 3 to 1.

8. There should be a certain caregiver assigned to a child so that he learns to trust that one person, to promote his feeling of security.

9. The centre should be in a walking distance from our house because Rob has to drive to his work, I work from home and we only have one car.

I googled all the childcare centers within walking distance of my house (25 minutes) and only came up with … 2! Not much, that wasn’t an encouraging result at all. Never mind, it was time to pay them a visit and see how bad things really are.

The first one didn’t look serious at all. It had a large area for older kids (ages 3 - 5) and a small corner separated from the rest of the room by a gate for kids of Eric’s age. They actually didn’t have many kids of Eric’s age, only much younger (8-9 months) so that area was enough for them as they don’t move much yet at that age. Honestly, it looked and felt like a little prison. When we came, it was blazing hot (40 degrees) and all the kids were outside, playing with water, half of them didn’t have the hats on. There was only one person looking after about 8 kids and she could barely speak English. Even for someone as new to parenting as me that was enough to leave that child care center and never come back.

To be continued soon!

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