I can honestly say - I came this close to giving up. I was SO ready to dump the idea of leaving my kid in the care center and for SO many good reasons. Where shall I begin…
In the 6 weeks he’s been going to the center, we were all sick with the bugs he [...]

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1. It took Bubba 2 weeks to adjust to his current school, he loves it there. But there are times when it seems like we are back at square one. His teacher when on vacation over the July 4th weekend and so he was home Fri-Mon and boy did it take another 2 weeks for him to re-adjust and he’s been at the school for a year now.

   Comment by LaToya — August 2, 2009 @ 1:05 am

2. Oh, thanks so much for telling me LaToya, the same thing happens to Eric. I didn’t know what to think!

   Comment by Emma — August 2, 2009 @ 1:18 am
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Eric’s second and third days at child care center were just as much of a disaster as the first time. He wouldn’t let go of his teddy or his hat (yep, a strange choice of a comforter, I know). He wouldn’t eat or even drink, not to mention sleep. Actually he would get in bed voluntarily but not to sleep - he would just lie there in a “leave me alone” pose.

Following a suggestion from the child care manager, I was taking him there for 2 days a week, he would spend there 3 - 4 hours each time. 3 weeks have passed and no change, he would scream on top of his lungs when I left him there, run after me, grab my leg, cry hysterically until I disappeared and for a good 10 minutes after. I couldn’t just leave him standing on the floor - one of the girls had to take him from me, pick him up and hold him so that I could run away. I don’t with this experience to my worst enemy.

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1. Have you considered staying at the daycare with him?

   At this point he will be especially clingy while you are there for the first day or two, but if you tell him you will stay and don’t even go to the restroom without telling him first, he should start to feel more comfortable about checking things out. You can help with this by engaging in the different activities silently. Eventually, he should become interested in the activities as well. Once he does, don’t say a word. Just continue to play next to him. After a day or two of him enjoying himself without needing to be by your side and hopefully not even looking for you, prepare him that the next day you will leave after snack but then be back to pick him up. Gradually work yourself out at the pace he needs. You are his safety. He can’t enjoy himself if he does not feel safe. But with you there, he can build confidence in the safety of that space and those people. Slowly, as he becomes more secure, he will not need you there to feel safe and have a good time.

   Make sure the workers do not take away his hat or teddy. That is like me taking your car keys or bus fare.

   I know my ideas will probably not be your first choice. However, I think for the long run, this is what I would do. I have been a nanny for years and worked at childcare centers with many types of kids. If you follow through with this and show him in your actions that you respect his feelings by being honest (not sneaking out), moving at his pace, and letting him find his security in what works for him (you and then his teddy and hat), I think you will find yourself no longer than a few weeks from now with glorious hours to yourself and a happy little boy that loves his nursery school.

   Comment by Kristin — June 8, 2009 @ 12:55 am

2. Thank you SO much for this comment, it makes sense to me completely. I will definitely give your technique a try, promise! Right now this child care situation doesn’t benefit me anyway - I lose the same amount of time as I gain when my kid is there.

   Comment by Emma — June 9, 2009 @ 3:48 am

3. we need more time for attention and care for children. when our children don’t say “not happy, mum !”.

   I think this’s interesting topic ! thank all for writing this.

   Comment by seliecreative — July 24, 2009 @ 9:29 pm
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I was prepared. I packed my kid’s favorite soft toy in his little backpack, a change of clothes, a precise description of his routine at home, the likes, the dislikes, how he eats, drinks, sleeps, what he does when he’s frightened and how to calm him down, what games are his favorite and what music helps him relax.

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1. It’s normal. Give it at least 2 weeks for him to adjust. In my experience kids adjust in about 2 weeks if not then it’s possible that the school isn’t a good fit. It’s something new for the both of you so give yourselves time to adjust and also remember that kids model their responses after the adults so if he feels your apprehension it could feed his own.

   My own son cried for 2 weeks when he started school but a year later he still asks to go on the weekends he loves it so much.

   Comment by LaToya — May 11, 2009 @ 2:04 pm

2. This sounds too good to be true… Will it ever happen for me ?

   Comment by Emma — May 20, 2009 @ 5:15 am

3. I agree. You are normal - it does feel strange to leave your child with…. strangers. There are some great places out there, but don’t be afraid to make a change if it isn’t working.

   (We’re a homeschooling family, so I feel blessed to still get to spend my days with my three little people!)

   Jamie

   Comment by steadymom — May 24, 2009 @ 6:37 am

4. [...] second and third days at child care center were just as much of a disaster as the first time. He wouldn’t let go of his teddy or his hat (yep, a strange choice of a comforter, I know). [...]

   Pingback by First weeks at child care: not happy, mum! @ Baby-Log| Learning to be a Mother, raise a Baby and live as a Family — June 6, 2009 @ 2:15 am
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I postponed this moment for as long as I could, but couldn’t do it forever. The sad truth is that I need to work more than 1.5 hours a day - and that’s all I could manage so far because that’s how long Eric is sleeping throughout the day, and that’s all the quiet time that I get.

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1. Good luck with your search. It took me a year to get my oldest into a place where I really comfortable with. And I am very picky aside from being an involved parent I used to work in child care so I know what to look for and have very high standards.

   I’m not sure if things are different where you are but here in the US #2,6,7,8,9 are virtually unheard of.

   Have you thought about maybe finding another SAHM that would be willing to watch your son for you???

   Comment by LaToya — April 27, 2009 @ 9:40 pm

2. Thanks LaToya. I tried hiring a nanny and she was great, they got along really well until she quit because of a tragedy in her own family which caused her such a trauma she couldn’t work anymore. I couldn’t possibly replace her because I couldn’t find anybody even close to those standards. But even with her I found this option to be unreliable because she’d get sick and miss work at least once a week every week, and I need to work every day.

   I am also thinking about another aspects of this - at least child care centers are getting inspected, while SAHM is firstly alone in the house with the children, so if anything happens there are no other adults around and second, it is quite difficult to find a home that is made child-proof and safe according to the same standards the child care centers are.

   Comment by Emma — April 27, 2009 @ 10:14 pm

3. [...] You may want to subscribe to Baby-Log via RSS feed or via email. Thanks for visiting!When I started to look for the right child care center, it looked like mission impossible. But then something unexpected happened. Have you ever [...]

   Pingback by Choosing the right child care (if there is such a thing!), part 2 @ Baby-Log| Learning to be a Mother, raise a Baby and live as a Family — May 4, 2009 @ 9:45 pm
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