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Eric’s second and third days at child care center were just as much of a disaster as the first time. He wouldn’t let go of his teddy or his hat (yep, a strange choice of a comforter, I know). He wouldn’t eat or even drink, not to mention sleep. Actually he would get in bed voluntarily but not to sleep – he would just lie there in a “leave me alone” pose.
Following a suggestion from the child care manager, I was taking him there for 2 days a week, he would spend there 3 – 4 hours each time. 3 weeks have passed and no change, he would scream on top of his lungs when I left him there, run after me, grab my leg, cry hysterically until I disappeared and for a good 10 minutes after. I couldn’t just leave him standing on the floor – one of the girls had to take him from me, pick him up and hold him so that I could run away. I don’t wish this experience to my worst enemy.
When I’d come to pick him up, he would drop everything and run to me crying. He wouldn’t calm down until I picked him up, said bye to everyone and left that room. Even then it was hard to convince him to go in the stroller, he just didn’t want to let go of my neck. Once we were home, he was getting nervous every time I disappeared from his sight. I couldn’t even use the toilet without Eric’s crying at the door, that’s how bad it was.
During the time he spent in the day care, they were telling me that every time they tried to take away his teddy or his hat, he started to scream. As much as my kid loves eating, he didn’t touch any food, not even fruit or his favorite biscuits.
He was getting sick a lot more than he used to before the child care and it would take longer for him to recover. During these weeks we were at the doctors almost every week, there were many sleepless nights when Eric had fever and many useless days when he was too weak to enjoy anything at all.
The doctor did explain that we can’t avoid this period of catching viruses, Eric can go through it either now or, if we decide to drop the child care, later at school. Assuming that is true, from that point of view I think he is better of having it now, when he doesn’t miss much being sick at home, rather than later, missing classes and catching up on homework.
So what did I gain here? I have 6-8 hours a week of kids-free time to myself. Much needed and truly appreciated. Then I have a nervous wreck of a kid for the rest of the day, I’m troubled by thoughts about what kind of trauma am I causing him here. On top of everything else he gets sick a lot which affects his growth and development. And, forgive me for being selfish, when he’s not well I can’t function either, the lack of sleep and Eric’s mood swings are taking the toll.
Is this worth it? Right now I’m not too sure.
Does your kid hate the child care center as much as mine? How do you cope with it?
3 Responses
Kristin
June 8th, 2009 at 12:55 am
1Have you considered staying at the daycare with him?
At this point he will be especially clingy while you are there for the first day or two, but if you tell him you will stay and don’t even go to the restroom without telling him first, he should start to feel more comfortable about checking things out. You can help with this by engaging in the different activities silently. Eventually, he should become interested in the activities as well. Once he does, don’t say a word. Just continue to play next to him. After a day or two of him enjoying himself without needing to be by your side and hopefully not even looking for you, prepare him that the next day you will leave after snack but then be back to pick him up. Gradually work yourself out at the pace he needs. You are his safety. He can’t enjoy himself if he does not feel safe. But with you there, he can build confidence in the safety of that space and those people. Slowly, as he becomes more secure, he will not need you there to feel safe and have a good time.
Make sure the workers do not take away his hat or teddy. That is like me taking your car keys or bus fare.
I know my ideas will probably not be your first choice. However, I think for the long run, this is what I would do. I have been a nanny for years and worked at childcare centers with many types of kids. If you follow through with this and show him in your actions that you respect his feelings by being honest (not sneaking out), moving at his pace, and letting him find his security in what works for him (you and then his teddy and hat), I think you will find yourself no longer than a few weeks from now with glorious hours to yourself and a happy little boy that loves his nursery school.
Emma
June 9th, 2009 at 3:48 am
2Thank you SO much for this comment, it makes sense to me completely. I will definitely give your technique a try, promise! Right now this child care situation doesn’t benefit me anyway – I lose the same amount of time as I gain when my kid is there.
seliecreative
July 24th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
3we need more time for attention and care for children. when our children don’t say “not happy, mum !”.
I think this’s interesting topic ! thank all for writing this.
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