04 Jan
Today Emma is writing about No one tells you that...
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Ever since my son was born, every vacation we went on I’ve noticed a slight feeling of disappointment. I wasn’t enjoying myself.
Can you blame me? Running around chasing a little toddler, changing clothes, changing nappies, feeding, warming his milk, walking around the same tree for the twenty second time, it’s time for his nap but new things are far more exciting and he’s fighting me again as i try to put him to bed, all that makes a trip to the most beautiful spot on Earth look like, well, too much work. I couldn’t help wondering – is it all worth it? Isn’t just staying at home easier, if you don’t get to enjoy the views anyway?
Sounds depressing, I know. And you know where I went wrong? My expectations were way too high. Deep down there I was automatically expecting the trips to be the same as when we were a childless couple. I expected the freedom, the excitement of breaking the routine, all the things you no longer have after becoming a parent – especially if your baby is still little.
When we decided on going away for the last trip to celebrate the New Year, one of my big changes planned for the New Year was to make every trip a fun one – for me. I figured that if I lower my expectations a bit – it’s a win-win. So I sat down and made myself imagine the whole thing in details. Yes, I won’t be able to sleep in because Eric wakes up early – but I can take a nap in the afternoon when he’s getting his sleep. No, we can’t go hiking for a day – but we can have a nice walk around the lake for an hour, carrying Eric in the backpack. No, we can’t hit the local bars for half a night – but we can make cocktails in the cottage and toast to the New Year when the kid is asleep upstairs.
It is funny how this little exercise helped me. Instead of sitting there, totally down and feeling sorry for myself, I actually liked this trip. It was different kind of fun – but I did enjoy it and all I had to do for this to happen, was to change the way I think.
Here is the thing: if you liked the life you were living, it is difficult to accept that it has changed and will never be the same. So the choice is really simple: be miserable and keep wanting what you can’t have – or learn to appreciate what you have got. I am choosing the second.
What about you? How difficult was it for you to adjust your lifestyle to your baby’s needs? How long did it take you? And how are you doing now?
Update: this post has made it into the carnival of personal development in the hizzay and to the Traveling with Kids carnival.
14 Responses
Dominique
January 9th, 2009 at 4:13 am
1It wasn’t really that difficult for me to adjust my lifestyle when my 2 boys came along (they are 2 and 4 now). It just took quite a bit of compromising with hubs that even though I am the main caregiver I still need my time off to re-charge with trips out sans kids for like says once a month to remain sane.
I feel that I am coping well now with both boys and am able to plan and manage my time better so that I have time for myself, them, the household and hubs all together.
Emma
January 9th, 2009 at 5:10 am
2Thanks for your comment, Dominique. It is reassuring because my boy is 15 months now and I still don’t have “me” time. Do you ever miss your life before the kids, when you had the total ownership of your time?
Dominique
January 9th, 2009 at 5:48 am
3Emma,
Seriously I don’t really miss the life before kids. It’s more exciting and unpredictable now but am loving it :)
thursday
January 9th, 2009 at 11:33 am
4I do miss life before my son was born, in part because right after having him I moved 2000 miles to a new city. I am unfamiliar with what there is to do here and I hardly have time to figure it all out while I’m still figuring out how to do everyday things with a baby. Thanksgiving was horrible – I have no idea what people said to me because the little dude wouldn’t stop fussing and squirming no matter what I did. Not only that, but I didn’t spend it with my family (for the first time ever). Christmas wasn’t as bad because the baby was a bit more relaxed and slept through a lot of it. Do we still hike? Are you kidding me? I don’t know where to go, and everytime we go out my husband comments on the amount of stuff I’m bringing. Um, hello! We have a BABY. I know it frustrates him to no end that we can’t be spontaneous anymore.
Emma
January 10th, 2009 at 4:31 am
5Thursday, I am hearing you girl! I don’t know how old your baby is (sounds like a very young infant) but my 15 months old son can still make any trip (even 5-minute stroll to get some milk) unpleasant. Yesterday I received a call in the morning and as I was trying to understand who that was and what it was about he started screaming so loudly I had to tell the caller :”I am sorry, this is a very bad time for me, could you please call me back.”
As to hubby being disappointed with lack of spontaneity – same here, he is complaining about the dull life we’re living. So we’re in the same boat here. Today was the first day we could go on a hike in a nature reserve near our house, carrying the boy in a backpack. It was only 1.5 hours but – better than nothing! I guess things will get easier over time
Ultimate Vacation Spots » Blog Archive » Traveling With Kids Carnival - January 2009
January 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
6[…] father should have done, and aims at the kids point of view to get her own satisfaction. Read Family vacation can be fun or a disappointment – the choice is yours. to see how she did […]
Carnival of Personal Development in the Hizzay! « Through The Illusion
January 12th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
7[…] presents Family vacation can be fun or a disappointment – the choice is yours. posted at Baby-Log, saying, “Changing the way we think will change our […]
Mindful Mimi
January 13th, 2009 at 8:59 am
8Oh I know all about things that change in life after having one (in my case two) baby.
Read about a recent trip on my blog here:
http://mindfulmimi.blogspot.com/2008/10/stress-is-ignorant-state-it-believes.html
And check out my boys here:
http://tweemannetjes.blogspot.com/
Shen-Li
January 14th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
9Yes, it’s tough. Sometimes, I do miss the good ol’ days, but when I think of life without my little boy, well, I just can’t. So yes, I can’t enjoy attending a wedding like I used to, I can’t go shoe shopping without my son wanting to try on all the shoes in the shop, including mine, in fact, I can’t go shopping at all without my son demanding that I take him to go see his stuff, but I do enjoy the moments when we cuddle up on the bed together and read a book, when he comes and takes my hand because he has something to share with me, when he sings me a song or tells me a story he’s just made up. No, I can’t imagine life without him.
Emma
January 15th, 2009 at 4:29 am
10Thinking about it… me neither, I can’t imagine my life without my lil’ one. I remember the good things about being free and not having all the responsibility but on the other hand I have changed since then.
Carnival of Beginning Writers - 2009 February - 2nd Edition
February 5th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
11[…] presents Family vacation can be fun or a disappointment – the choice is yours. posted at […]
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February 11th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
12[…] to this advice, there were samples of people’s writing on a range of things including family vacations, drawing and life in the […]
Colleen
April 20th, 2009 at 9:40 am
13I totally miss the before-baby days. My little one is only 3 months old and I truly feel like I am losing my mind. People say it gets better but I any time we go anywhere I just think that it would have been easier/better for my daughter/better for me to just stay at home. But since I live in a apt, home can also feel limiting quite a bit. I know people say it will get better but I think that I need to change the way I am thinking — I am just mourning the old me and my old life. I love my daughter, don’t get me wrong, and I have had joy with her but I need a break and my husband doesn’t want to hire a babysitter…
Emma
April 21st, 2009 at 9:35 am
14I hear you! When my son was 3 months old I refused to go to restaurants and the like because it was more work than fun. Instead of enjoying myself I couldn’t even get a bite to eat, because it’s feeding the baby, changing the baby, settling the baby, walking, rocking, you know the drill. So it’s easy to give up on things, but it is also easy to give up on more than you should. Balance is the key here, I think, give things a chance before declaring them “too hard” – that was my mistake anyway.
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