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Pregnant woman reading in a rocking chairWhen I was expecting, I didn’t tell people until I was 6 months pregnant. Why? Don’t even get me started.

I opposed to letting my pregnancy become the center of my conversations with everybody. I didn’t find it fascinating or even interesting to discuss what colors will I pick for the nursery and what brand of bottles will I be using.

I was reluctant to discussing my future plans because quite honestly I didn’t have them – how can you plan in the land of Unknown, having a baby for the very first time?

I didn’t have the patience for the “girlfriends’ talk” where everybody is sharing their birth experiences and comparing who had the worst possible birth ever.

I didn’t want any advice – can do my own research and find out only the things I’m interested in, thank you very much. No need to listen to whatever nonsense all the “been there, done that” people feel like dumping on me. That was your life, this is mine, having babies is different for everybody.

I know that right now I probably sound like a total sociopath, the opposite of what an expectant mother should be. Or am I not? I strongly suspect there are more women who feel like me. Isn’t it natural to want to keep such personal experience as expecting your first child under your control and on your terms?

It is very important to make the right choices regarding your pregnancy and your birth. But it is even more important to stay calm and positive during those 40 long weeks – and that is a bit hard to achieve under a shower of horror stories which people bombard you with, mercilessly. Making an informed decision and being bullied into a choice by an “experienced” girlfriend are worlds apart. “Take the epidural, what are you, a hero?”

With all due respect to books like “What to expect when you’re expecting”, there are some pages that I say – a pregnant lady shouldn’t lay her finger on. Any such book has at least one chapter on things that can go wrong at birth and all the possible complications. I read those chapters, boy, what a mistake! It was like with a horror movie – once you begin, you can’t stop and then you sleep with the light on, cover the mirrors to keep the ghosts away and have nightmares for a week.

Girls, don’t get me wrong, I know it is important to be prepared. But then there are things nothing can prepare you for and reading and thinking about them, worrying about “what if my birth goes the wrong way” won’t help anyone. Any tests you feel like doing before the baby arrives should be done, any considerations and choices about what kind of birth you would like to have, by all means do consider and make your decision. But don’t put yourself through worries about the things beyond your control – concentrate on your and the little one’s well-being which starts with you being happy.

Do you believe in “selective reading” for pregnant women? What are your opinion and experience?