Comments on: Dads: parenting or babysitting?

By: christian parenting

christian parenting — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 09:14:12 +0000

I leave my daughters with my husband for a few hours when he goes home. Like Kelly said, I need a few hours for myself too. My husband is not a perfect in looking after the girls but I see it in my daughter’s eyes that they have so much fun with him and looks forward for this moment everyday.

By: Emma

Emma — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 06:07:36 +0000

Hey Rudy, you’ve just said a very important thing there - “she stopped assuming I know how to read her mind”. That is SO true that we (girls) assume you guys know what you’ve done wrong when we give you “the look”. My life became so much happier and easier when I started to speak to my husband instead of being silently angry with him for whatever reason.

By: Rudy

Rudy — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 21:55:39 +0000

I think expectations are important.

When our first child was born, I was clueless on how to be parent. I thought my job was to be a supportive husband and takes care of my wife. I go to the office 9 hours a day, come home exhausted, but managed to help out wash the dishes, take out the trash, etc.

But then my wife wanted me to do more. She wanted me to wake up in the middle of the night to comfort my baby. She wanted me to change diapers. Give baths. Basically everything she would do - except for breast feeding (for obvious reasons).

She just expected me to do it, but never told me. I was labeled a “lazy dad” for the first year, because I didn’t know she wanted me to do more parenting and house chores. It wasn’t fair and I fought her on the issue several times. Shouts and tears were common back then.

Now, I’m glad to say that we’ve come to a compromise. She has stopped assuming I know how to read her mind. She has stopped expecting me to be perfect in everything. I have learned to bite my tongue, and pick my battles. I have learned not to let my wife be “the boss” in the house, and learned to do what Moms do.

I have to learn to give more than to take. And that always work.

By: Discovering Dad Blog Carnival – July 2009 : Discovering Dad

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By: Emma

Emma — Mon, 25 May 2009 22:45:42 +0000

@Kelly: This makes so much sense, even a little break makes me a better mother too, I noticed.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 25 May 2009 22:19:51 +0000

I always leave my daughter with my husband. When he is home I give myself at least 2 hours a day to myself. I have found I am a stronger mother, wife and woman when I do this. This also allows the two of them to bond with one another and builds his confidence as a father. My husband is amazing and although parenting does not come easy or naturally for either of us, we do our best to figure things out as a team!!!

By: May’s Woman to Woman Blog Carnival « Homespun Healers

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By: Emma

Emma — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:43:17 +0000

@PhilB Oh I think you’re totally right. And yes, people expect the new mom to immediately pick up and somehow “know” what to do with the newborn. I recon that a new dad can be much better than a new mom at things, such as trimming the infant’s nails or bathing, things that a new mom can be terrified of in the beginning (I remember I was!). But it so happens that a mom learns more than a dad in the same period of time if she spends more time with the baby. Let’s say a mother has a parental leave of at least 6 weeks, whereas a dad usually takes a week off and then returns to work. Those 6 weeks are a lot of time to learn all kinds of skills and to develop a better understanding of a newborn, and to read a lot of parenting books and magazines.

By: PhilB

PhilB — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:01:52 +0000

Emma, I think my point was mainly that new mom’s have about the same expertise and experience of new dads. The only major difference it seems is the cultural belief that women have an innate parenting instinct that men don’t have.

By: Emma

Emma — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 10:26:02 +0000

@PhilB
The analogy was supposed to convince moms to be more patient, more willing to share their expertise and experience - it was not supposed to make dads feel inferior. And I agree, there is no parenting book that will make you a great parent, only trial and error will.