01 Dec
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If you are a parent or will become one (really) soon, chances are that you’ve been offered parenting advice even before your children were born. Sometimes it is useful, and sometimes it is useless, silly and annoying.
But every time someone makes you feel bad about choosing not to follow their advice, here’s why you really shouldn’t:
1. It’s your party.
It’s your life and you do what’s best for your family. The choices that you make are for you to live with and bear the consequences of. That’s why you probably do the research and minimize chances of messing up, understanding the huge responsibility on your shoulders, while other people don’t give the things that important to you THAT much thought.
2. Every family is different.
Every family has different morals, values and goals, which is a fancy way of saying this: we all are heading in different directions, so advice from other people won’t necessarily help you get where you’re going. If you’re trying to raise a vegetarian, then advice like “Babies must have meat at least once a day” isn’t really going to help.
3. Parents are different
All people are born equal, but different, and things that some parents feel fine about raise eyebrows in other couples. Of course, most people feel that their way is the only way and will try to “sell” it to you – but it you’re aware of the reasons why they do it, dealing with this phenomenon will be easier.
4. There are no “one fits all” solutions
This isn’t new; everyone knows that things that work with one kid not necessarily do with another, even in the same family. And if you have run out of ideas of your own and someone suggest another approach that sounds reasonable to you, try it. But nothing can guarantee that your mother’s, sister’s or neighbor’s suggestion will work – you probably have learned by now that there are no guarantees in parenting. You have every right to your doubts whether or not the suggested techniques will work and if you don’t feel like experimenting with your kid – that’s absolutely fine.
To put my money where my mouth is, here’s a real life example: I felt fine disregarding my in-law’s advice, because most of their suggestions were based on what they have “heard people are doing” and others were replaced by the exact opposites (!). When Eric got sick with the flu at 9 months, Rob’s mom suggested dripping some honey down his throat (which I didn’t because honey is likely to cause allergies for babies less than 12 months old). A couple of hours later she left a message on our phone saying “I hope you haven’t used honey, it’s bad for babies”. I rest my case :).
4 Responses
MePregnant
December 1st, 2008 at 10:00 pm
1Four reasons not to feel bad about ignoring parenting advice ……
If you are a parent or will become one (really) soon, chances are that you’ve been offered parenting advice even before your children were born. Sometimes it is….
Nerida
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 pm
2Yes, I totally agree. Parenting advice can either be misleading, annoying or just plain dangerous. But (yes, there had to be a “but”) I would have been completely lost with my daughter without all the advice I was given or read when she was a baby.
Sometimes we are so tired as new parents that we just want to be told what to do. Not all the time, just sometimes. It doesn’t take long to work out whether the advice is something that will be useful or not, and sometimes we can tell that doing the opposite may work better for us!
I read so many books and interviewed, interrogated and spied on so many other parents that I started up my own website just so I can share everything I learned before I forget it all!
BTW, I believe the warning on not giving honey to children under 12 months relates to the slight possibility of botulism poisoning rather than allergies. They’re immune systems are weak and put them at risk.
Emma
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:40 pm
3Hi Nerida,
You’re right about being tired and wanting proven solutions, I totally agree, have been there so many times!
And thanks for the point about botulism poisoning, that is another reason why honey is not recommended for babies under 12 months that I forgot to mention.
Vincent
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 am
4I am Vincent from http://www.nextGenParenting.com and it is a website that talks about parenting the new generation. We found that there is a lot of synergy and relevance in both our websites and hope to be able to collaborate with you through a link exchange. Our Facebook Group is at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=45846456053
I was wondering whether you would like to do a link exchange with us, by putting a link under your Parenting Resources section and we will also put your blog link on our blog site at http://www.nextgenparenting.com/blog
Hope to hear from you soon.
Vincent Cheng
http://www.nextgenparenting.com
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