Comments on: Grandparents: blood relatives, yet strangers to my baby http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/ Learning to be a Mother, Raise a Baby, Live as a Family Sat, 13 Mar 2010 11:22:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v= hourly 1 By: Emma http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-7437 Emma Mon, 27 Apr 2009 08:05:11 +0000 http://www.baby-log.com/?p=662#comment-7437 Hey Lucy, I can SO relate to what you're saying. My MIL, who lives thousands miles away from us, when she came over managed to screw things up for us pretty badly. When Eric was only starting to try solids, she forced food on him, she'd use anything including deception to get a spoon of apple puree in his mouth. After that it took me 2 months of rehab to get Eric, a normal child, to eat any solids at all, he wouldn't open his mouth for anything! And yes, that kind of an attitude makes you feel "Stay away from me, you disrupt my life". Very annoying! Hey Lucy, I can SO relate to what you’re saying. My MIL, who lives thousands miles away from us, when she came over managed to screw things up for us pretty badly. When Eric was only starting to try solids, she forced food on him, she’d use anything including deception to get a spoon of apple puree in his mouth. After that it took me 2 months of rehab to get Eric, a normal child, to eat any solids at all, he wouldn’t open his mouth for anything!

And yes, that kind of an attitude makes you feel “Stay away from me, you disrupt my life”. Very annoying!

]]> By: Lucy http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-7366 Lucy Sun, 26 Apr 2009 11:55:02 +0000 http://www.baby-log.com/?p=662#comment-7366 Hey Emma, I am a first time mum and when my baby was only a few months old my mother in law was spending nearly each day she was off over at my place. I loved having her over but the time she spent meant I was unable to bond in the way I felt I needed to with my child. I'm not and never have suffered from any depression luckily, however, I had to insist that she spends time only on the weekend. Especially since I was and still am b/feeding. It has always been a private affair to me and each time she would ring on the door bell it would interupt my baby's feeding routine. She was offended when I told her it was best that she came on the weekend to visit this way she could come and spend time with all of us including her son (my husband) not just as it had been when I'm home by myself. She said to me that she didn't think it was enough to only visit say once a week and that she feared my baby would see them as nothing more than strangers! She does over exagerate at the best of times. And I feel this is to make me feel guilty. She is always getting in the way of my raising my daughter I feel that she doesn't stick to her role as a 'grandparent' rather she takes over as a mother to my child. What I mean is for instance when she's here she'll start rocking my baby to sleep meanwhile I tell her it's not the baby's time to sleep she needs to have her lunch first. Another time she will buy things that I had every intention of getting first like when my baby got the first tooth. This milestone I wanted to mark by buying my baby the first toothbrush set .... but she bought one before I could even look for one myself. It made me really mad that she has to be so competitive ..it's almost as if she seems so insecure about my baby's affection towards her that she needs to somehow bribe me or the baby with gifts because it's not just this she would also get things I don't need or even things I choose not to use and then she would ask if I had started using it, she even bought my baby a training cup...I'd never asked her for these things it's just her rushing into buying them. My partner and I have mentioned how our baby has everything and if we need something we can let her know but she just doesn't get it. It is really putting a strain on my relationship with her because I beginning to choose to keep my distance from her all the more. It's not a joy like it was in the beginning because now it's almost like a demand for attention. She doesn't have a hobby and doesn't do much on her days off either so since we live in separate homes she feels like she wants to help so much but there isn't really anything she can do to help. I'm not the sort of person to rely on others, I've always kept my independence so it's almost like she wants people to depend on her. She asserts her points of view quite strongly as it is her personality I feel I have nothing in common with her. Hey Emma,
I am a first time mum and when my baby was only a few months old my mother in law was spending nearly each day she was off over at my place. I loved having her over but the time she spent meant I was unable to bond in the way I felt I needed to with my child. I’m not and never have suffered from any depression luckily, however, I had to insist that she spends time only on the weekend. Especially since I was and still am b/feeding. It has always been a private affair to me and each time she would ring on the door bell it would interupt my baby’s feeding routine. She was offended when I told her it was best that she came on the weekend to visit this way she could come and spend time with all of us including her son (my husband) not just as it had been when I’m home by myself. She said to me that she didn’t think it was enough to only visit say once a week and that she feared my baby would see them as nothing more than strangers! She does over exagerate at the best of times. And I feel this is to make me feel guilty. She is always getting in the way of my raising my daughter I feel that she doesn’t stick to her role as a ‘grandparent’ rather she takes over as a mother to my child. What I mean is for instance when she’s here she’ll start rocking my baby to sleep meanwhile I tell her it’s not the baby’s time to sleep she needs to have her lunch first. Another time she will buy things that I had every intention of getting first like when my baby got the first tooth. This milestone I wanted to mark by buying my baby the first toothbrush set …. but she bought one before I could even look for one myself. It made me really mad that she has to be so competitive ..it’s almost as if she seems so insecure about my baby’s affection towards her that she needs to somehow bribe me or the baby with gifts because it’s not just this she would also get things I don’t need or even things I choose not to use and then she would ask if I had started using it, she even bought my baby a training cup…I’d never asked her for these things it’s just her rushing into buying them. My partner and I have mentioned how our baby has everything and if we need something we can let her know but she just doesn’t get it. It is really putting a strain on my relationship with her because I beginning to choose to keep my distance from her all the more. It’s not a joy like it was in the beginning because now it’s almost like a demand for attention. She doesn’t have a hobby and doesn’t do much on her days off either so since we live in separate homes she feels like she wants to help so much but there isn’t really anything she can do to help. I’m not the sort of person to rely on others, I’ve always kept my independence so it’s almost like she wants people to depend on her. She asserts her points of view quite strongly as it is her personality I feel I have nothing in common with her.

]]> By: Parents Helping Parents Carnival X | Parenting Advice and Tips: Modern Parent http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-3997 Parents Helping Parents Carnival X | Parenting Advice and Tips: Modern Parent Fri, 20 Mar 2009 04:56:37 +0000 http://www.baby-log.com/?p=662#comment-3997 [...] presents Grandparents: blood relatives, yet strangers to my baby posted at Baby-Log, saying, “Helping a child start a relationship with distant [...] ">

[...] presents Grandparents: blood relatives, yet strangers to my baby posted at Baby-Log, saying, “Helping a child start a relationship with distant [...]

]]> By: John http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-3996 John Fri, 20 Mar 2009 04:40:34 +0000 http://www.baby-log.com/?p=662#comment-3996 Thank you for submitting your post to my blog carnival. I liked it so much, I chose it as my top pick of the carnival! Thanks again. Thank you for submitting your post to my blog carnival. I liked it so much, I chose it as my top pick of the carnival! Thanks again.

]]> By: Emma http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-2729 Emma Thu, 05 Mar 2009 04:42:14 +0000 http://www.baby-log.com/?p=662#comment-2729 LaToya, I would totally do the same! I mean some people have no respect for the feelings of the little ones. This is the way my other set of grandparents are, they would wrap him around them like a scarf if I let them. Seriously, I'm worried about their future visit, they could really stress the kid out and there is nowhere to run because they will be living in our house. LaToya, I would totally do the same! I mean some people have no respect for the feelings of the little ones. This is the way my other set of grandparents are, they would wrap him around them like a scarf if I let them. Seriously, I’m worried about their future visit, they could really stress the kid out and there is nowhere to run because they will be living in our house.

]]> By: LaToya http://www.baby-log.com/my-baby-day-by-day/grandparents-blood-relatives-yet-strangers-to-your-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-2497 LaToya Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:19:34 +0000 http://www.baby-log.com/?p=662#comment-2497 I think it's great that your family respects your son enough to back off a bit. My family is the complete opposite. They function on the theory of I'm just going to grab you and you can just cry because I'm family and you need to get to know me. It's annoying, and I have stopped taking my children around some people for this reason. My children's grandparents live close (10 min away) which is great. My oldest LOVES my parents but it took him 18 months before he warmed up to the other set of grandparents. They were like your family and just let him take his time to warm up to them and now he LOVES them too. I think it’s great that your family respects your son enough to back off a bit. My family is the complete opposite. They function on the theory of I’m just going to grab you and you can just cry because I’m family and you need to get to know me. It’s annoying, and I have stopped taking my children around some people for this reason.

My children’s grandparents live close (10 min away) which is great. My oldest LOVES my parents but it took him 18 months before he warmed up to the other set of grandparents. They were like your family and just let him take his time to warm up to them and now he LOVES them too.

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